The Best Jokes Ever!

[alma_cro]

What common have Windows and submarine? As soon as you open the window starting problems   


Two programmers are walking down the street and beside them pass a extra pretty girl.
First one said: See what properties she had!
And the other answer: Nevermind,she is read only!


How you recognize a bad programmer - He have a wear down ESC key 



Driving in car electrician,repairman and Bill Gates.Suddenly car stop.
Electrician said:I think is something with power,check mass and fuses!
Repairman:I think is a gear!
Bill Gates:I think we have to close all windows get out and then again get in!



Three Apple and three Microsoft engineers have to travel by train to conference.
On station  Microsoft engineers buy three ticket for them but Apple engineers buy only one ticket.
-How you will travel only with one ticket?-ask them Micforosf engineer
-Watch and you will see!-answer Apple engineer.In train Microsoft engineers take a three
siting place and Apple are gone in sleeping room and close the door.After some time come a
 conductor for tickets.It knock on door of sleeping room :-Ticket please!
The door were open just to can a one arm with ticket pass thro.Conductor verify a ticket and gone.
Microsoft engineers decide to copy that when be travel back from conference.
But on way beck the Microsoft engineers buy one ticket and Apple none.
-How you will travel without a ticket? -ask them again
-You will see!-answer Apple engineer.
In train Microsoft engineers take one sleeping room and Apple Microsoft engineers one next to
Microsoft engineers.After sometime one of Apple engineers get out of sleeping room and
stop in front of Microsoft engineers sleeping room.He knock pretending to be a conductor -Ticket please 

snow monster;



and don´t worry spring will come ;

[Goober]

lol. Those snow monsters are creepy 

[alma_cro]

[img]http://www.dailyhaha.com/_pics/canadian-police.jpg[/img

have a nice day !

[alma_cro]

oops some wrong    agin ,I repeat

[Goober]

lol I love the Windows Vista one. 

[~Nisty~]

Husband says to wife,"My Olympic condoms have arrived, I think I’ll wear gold tonight."

Wife says ‘Why don’t you wear silver and come second for a change?


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A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a chair...

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What kind of shoes do ninjas wear?

Sneakers.

[cK]

I think I want a job cleaning mirrors. It's just something I could really see myself doing.

[cK]

Three guys are on a boat with four cigarettes but no lighters or matches or anything to light them with. What do they do?

Throw one cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.

[Cake Eater]

Cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny.

[Yogi]

the man that built it did not need it:
the man that bought it did not want it:
the man that got idt, did not now he had it:
what is it

[cK]

A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting
next to each other on a long flight.
The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so
dumb that he could get one over on them easily .
So, the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game.
The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists, saying that the game is a lot
of fun..."I ask you a question, and if you don't
know the answer, you pay me only $5.00.
Then you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00," he says.
This catches the senior's attention and, to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.
The lawyer asks the first question.
"What's the distance from the Earth to the
Moon?"
The senior doesn't say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.
Now, it's the senior's turn. He asks the lawyer,
"What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?"
The lawyer uses his laptop to search all references he can find on the Net.
He sends E-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no avail. After an hour of searching, he finally gives up.
He wakes the senior and hands him $500.00.
The senior pockets the $500.00 and goes right back to sleep.
The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer.
He wakes the senior up and asks,
"Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?"
The senior reaches into his pocket, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep.

You know you're going to send this one
on.

Don't mess with old folk!

[cK]

An orchestra sits down to perform Beethoven's Ninth Symphony

...Now, I don't know if you're familiar with the piece, but the string bass players don't come in until the very end, so until then they have nothing to do.

Rather than sit on stage awkwardly twiddling their thumbs, the three bass players conspire to temporarily ditch the concert to go out for beers at the bar across the street.

While at the bar, one of the musicians realizes they might be letting themselves get a little too wasted. He speaks up, "hey guys, it's almost our time to shine. Are we going to make it back on time?"

"Don't worry," says another. "In order to buy us some more time, I used string to bind together some of the pages of sheet music on the conductor's stand."

Back at the concert hall, one of the audience members notices the conductor fumbling with his sheet music. The bass players are no where to be found, and the symphony is almost over. She turns to her friend to ask what's going on.

"Well, it looks like it's the bottom of the Ninth, the score is tied, and the basses are loaded.

[Goober]

Hahaha I like that one. 

[Cookie]

There was this man (Yogi) and his wife that lived in Georgia. One day the man (Yogi) gets a call and was told he was the winner of the grand prize he had entered while back. The next day he told his wife he was going to pick up his grand prize, later that day he came back and to his wife's surprise he had a huge fishing boat behind his truck. She met him as he parked and was getting out of his truck and asked him what in the world he was doing with that big boat. He said honey this is the grand prize I won and she told him, honey, there's no water within hundreds of miles that you will be able to fish in with that boat. Well later that night they get into a spat about the boat, she told him she wanted it sold and Yogi put his foot down and told her he was keeping the boat. Well the next day his brother (Wolf) came by and asked Yogi's wife where he was, and she said he's out back in the middle of the field sitting in his boat fishing. Well Wolf went around back and sure enough Yogi was way out in the middle of the field, in his boat with a fishing pole in his hand. Wolf hollered, Yogi what in the world are you doing, Yogi hollered back and said I'm fishing. Wolf hollered back and said, it's people like you who give us folks here in Georgia a bad name, if I could swim, I'd swim out there and whip your azzl!!!!

[Bellesies]

Lol